Missing

What will I miss the most if I leave? My books, finding a book at a second-hand store, authors, the bliss of something new and different to read. Hopefully, not the quiet space to do so.

Melancholy

My melancholy and cynicism are returning. Happy bliss and feeling safe are leaving.

Quote of the Day (from Momentum)

"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy." - Robert Tew

Scary thought

I'm a believer that you can never believe something will never happen to you. I believe in order to stay safe, you have to think that you could be the victim of a shooting. I think if you're leaving a store or walking through a parking lot, you need to think about the fact that you could be robbed. Or, when you're home or you're exercising, that you consider the fact that you could be sexually assaulted. This isn't paranoia. This is how my mom taught me to be aware of my surroundings and to take care of myself.

I had this thought today that for the first time in American history, we should consider we may have to immigrate to other countries.

We may need to flee America.

I don't necessarily think this is all because Donald Trump was elected.

I do feel our country is less safe, and there will be volatility in years to come.

To think our citizens may never have to experience immigrating to another country, or to ourselves become refugees, is naive.

I want to stay in America as long as I possibly can. This is my country. I love this country.

But I am starting to think about a Plan B.

How can I save up as much money as I possibly can, be able to cash in assets and move and immigrate if I need to? Where can I go and use my skills and experience to get a job? Where is there a language barrier? Where can I be safe because of gender differences and cultural differences? Where can I afford to live? How will I feel if my family is split and I must leave and my family stays?

These are things I am thinking about. It is my job to protect my family. I will not sit back and become what Jews in countries around the world became, and think this could never happen to me.

Think it could not possibly get that bad.

Think someone will stop this.

I need to be ready to not miss my chance to leave voluntarily.

We've seen the red flags. We've seen the warning signs. We've seen the lack of public denouncement of hatred.

Today on the news, November 15, 2016, I saw hate crimes and intimidation reports are up more than 400% in one week, I saw news about a school stabbing, I saw news about an airport shooting where the gunman has not been apprehended and one victim is dead, I saw ancient cities and historical artifacts blown up, I saw news of Russian warships positioning themselves, I saw news of ISIS warnings about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, I was reminded of the tragedy of Aleppo.

I will not tell you my secret place. But I have a place in mind. God keep me safe. Keep my family safe. And if I must leave, enable me to leave so that I may live.

Interesting Read #1: As an Asian American I am invisible in this country and Interesting Read #2: Brutal truths that will improve your life (and make you a better person)

https://medium.com/verygoodlight/as-an-asian-american-i-am-invisible-in-this-country-8993a78436a3#.q6hiey2xv

https://medium.com/the-mission/brutal-truths-that-will-improve-your-life-and-make-you-a-better-person-17dddf14da18#.jilrr1wn1

Gratitude 13 November 2016

-Organized breakfast with my mom, brother, sister-in-law, husband and stepson, a very long time since my brother and my mom spent time together.
-Visited historic Polk Theatre in Lakeland.
-Watched an indie film called American Honey.
-My husband made me baked spaghetti.
-I am really enjoying my book.
-Got to touch my fluffy dog after her bath.

"And not being obligated is one of the sweetest of life’s riches."

Blog post by Paul Ford How to Be Polite

"I think a good part of what informs my voice, and guides my decisions both as a writer and an entrepreneur is gained from reading a wide range of different things, all the time. It challenges my ideas and it makes me re-evaluate them constantly."

"If you don’t read, you won’t gain the information and the insight and the inspiration that you need to make the right calls, at the right time."

From the blog story 

Here’s my secret weapon: I read

by Jon Westenberg 

Reading counting by 7s by Holly Goldberg Sloan

"A genius shoots at something no one else can see, and hits it." pg. 1

Another example of my uncanny ability to see or hear something and then read about it in a random book: today I listened to a study on NPR about the election and Republicans and the person being interviewed said he believes in the power of the individual. He said Republicans should figure this out; immigrants know the most about how it feels to be and act highly individually. Then I read, "Her name was Margaret Z. Buckle.
She made up the Z because she didn't have a middle name, and she had strong feelings about being seen as an individual." pg. 22

"She was determined and deliberate in everything she did, and that quality attracted people to her.

Mai had true confidence. Or as she liked to see herself, she was born strong-willed, while a lot of the world was wishy-washy." pg.69

"She is silent. 

Like me. 

I admire that in a person. The ability to keep your mouth shut is usually a sign of intelligence." pp. 134-135

"I would live here at Beale Memorial Library, if it were any kind of viable option. 

But as I walk through the double doors of this place I do wish that it were possible. Because: 

books =comfort 

To me anyway. 

And comfort is a thing of the past." pg. 151

"The sunlight has a way of dulling the world in Bakersfield, and I gaze out the window and everything is like a copy of an original.

The whole place is faded.

It all looks like it would be easy to tear apart." pg. 167

"People usually find a good place for stray dogs, or for the elderly when they can no longer go upstairs or use a can opener." pg. 169

"For someone grieving, moving forward is the challenge. 

Because after extreme loss, you want to go back.

Maybe that's why I don't calculate anything now. I can only count in the negative space. 

I'm on a different planet now. 

I only speak when I absolutely have to. 

Otherwise, I do my best to be invisible and stay out of the way. No matter how hard they try, other people do not understand because I'm incapable of communication. And that is why the deepest form of pain comes out of silence." pg. 175